Finding Common Ground: Navigating Anger with Compassion

By Josh Du Lany

At Bridge City Church, one of our core values is Finding Common Ground. In a world that feels increasingly divided, it’s more important than ever to seek connection rather than conflict. Today, I want to explore what Jesus teaches about anger and how we can apply that wisdom in our daily lives.

The Weight of Anger

In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus sets an incredibly high standard regarding anger:

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment…”

That’s a strong statement. Jesus is essentially equating anger with the same judgment as murder. But why? After all, we see moments in Scripture where Jesus Himself gets angry—flipping tables in the temple or calling out religious leaders in Matthew 23. So what makes our anger different from His?

Understanding Anger: Symptom vs. Root

Christian counselor Dr. Amy Trout suggests that anger is often a symptom, not the core issue. Many times, what we perceive as anger is actually sadness. When expectations are shattered, or we experience loss, sadness wells up inside us—but in our culture, we don’t always have healthy ways to express it. Instead, it emerges as anger.

Jesus’ anger wasn’t about personal frustration or offense—it was about grievance. When He turned over tables in the temple, it wasn’t out of irritation but because people were exploiting the house of worship for profit. When He called out religious leaders, it was because they were neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness (Matthew 23:23).

That means we need to ask ourselves:

1. Am I really angry, or am I actually sad?

2. If I’m sad, is it about the right things?

   
   

The Dangers of Holding Contempt

Webster’s Dictionary defines contempt as:

“The feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving of scorn.”

Jesus warns against contempt in Matthew 5:21-24, urging us to reconcile with those we hold anger toward before bringing our worship to God. Essentially, we can’t worship Him while treating His beloved creation—people—as beneath us.

To illustrate this, think about the pineapple. In the 1500s, pineapples were a symbol of wealth and status, worth thousands of dollars. Today, you can grab one at the grocery store for a few bucks. Its perceived value has changed.

We do the same thing with people. We see others as valuable when they align with our beliefs, but when they think or act differently, we devalue them. Jesus challenges us to see everyone—regardless of their differences—as bearing God’s image.

Steps to Overcoming Anger

So how do we shift from anger and contempt to compassion and connection?

1. Acknowledge Your Anger

Many of us hold on to anger, waiting for the other person to make the first move. I’ve been there. I once had a falling out with a friend over something so small that, to this day, I can’t even remember the details. But I was waiting for them to apologize first.

A mentor asked me, “What’s more important—being right or restoring the relationship?” That question changed everything. It taught me that reconciliation starts with me. Even if the other person never apologizes, clearing my side of the street is my responsibility.

2. Disagree with Dignity

Not everything has to be a battle. The early church fathers spent hours debating theology, and sometimes they simply agreed to disagree. Their unity in Christ was more important than their disagreements.

Today, we get angry over politics, social issues, and even minor personal offenses. But Jesus reminds us that our ultimate allegiance is not to a political party or ideology—it’s to Him. If we allow anger to divide us, we’ve lost sight of that truth.

3. Approach Others with Sympathy

I once heard a story about a man who fell into a deep pit. He cried for help, and a doctor walked by, diagnosing his problem but offering no real help. Then a pastor came by and told him, “God must want you there—come to church once you figure it out.”

Finally, a friend walked by. Instead of offering distant advice, he jumped into the pit. The man panicked, saying, “Now we’re both stuck!” But his friend replied, “I’ve been in this pit before. I know the way out.”

That’s the attitude Jesus calls us to have. Instead of looking down on others, we should jump in, walk with them, and help them find a way forward.

Final Thoughts

Before you act out in anger, ask yourself:

• How can I help this person out of their pit?

• What mistakes have I made that they can learn from?

• Am I seeing them with the same value that God sees them with?

  
  

Powerful questions will get you further than pointed statements.

Let’s be a church that values people the way Jesus does. That’s how we truly find common ground.